Nearing the End

Well, my dear Mom is nearing the end of her journey.  As I walk out the door to go to work, her room is on the left.  I glance in, and the vision of he laying in the hospital bed, oxygen hooked up,  skin and bones.....this is what I take with me.  It proved to be too much yesterday.  I cried all the way up the 18 mile stretch off the island.  Today, I made the decision to not work until this is over.  It's a hard decision to make, as there are still bills to be paid.  The landlord and utility companies, I'm sure, would not be sympathetic to my plight.  But I don't want to have any regrets when all is said and done.  I talked to the hospice nurse today, and she guesses we're looking at a week or so.  My Mom has stopped eating.  She takes sips of water and that's about it.  Morphine every 4 hours.  She has no desire to eat..... I can't even tempt her with her favorite food of late.....Entemann's donuts.  No.....her eating days are over.  We had trouble keeping her in the bed......now she has no desire to move at all.  Her legs have quit seeping and the swelling is gone.  She's back to her skinny little bird legs.  I never knew it, but when the kidneys are shutting down, your legs swell up like balloons and  fluids will seep through them.  Sometimes they actually have to put diapers on peoples legs.  The skin on her feet is now ridged.......I guess from dehydration.  One thing she does still enjoy is having her back scratched.  So I guess I'll spend much time the next week or so scratching her back.....as she would do for me.  I'm about to lose my best friend......and it's killing me.  But oh how I want her to go.  Enough is enough.  She's such a good person......has been her whole life.  She shouldn't have to suffer.  Which brings me to assisted suicide.  I hadn't thought about it much prior to this. But I do believe it should be legal.  If an animal is sick and dying, we put it to sleep because it's the humane thing to do.  But if  a dying human is suffering and with no hope of recovery......too fucking bad.  There's just something very wrong with that.